Recently, John and I requested a "blessing" from someone we are very close to. We were denied. At most, it might have been disappointing, but with a combination of having been denied several times and seeing the same blessing bestowed on others we left feeling very hurt and angry. Whether or not we have a right to be upset is debatable. I thought it over. I'm still not sure. It didn't change my feelings about the situation though. I thought about a lot of things in my anger and frustration. I wondered what we had done wrong to be so undeserving. I wondered if we were taking this person for granted. I wondered if this person felt used. I wondered what made her so reluctant. I wondered why others got preferential treatment when our situation appears so much more difficult.
But this question also popped into my head. Have I denied being a blessing to someone that required one of me? I thought about all the excuses we have heard and the excuses we have given. Often, it's a matter of inconvenience. Sometimes, I think it's a matter of just not feeling the request is important enough. Someone else can do it. It doesn't have to be me. As I reflected on how I felt about the situation, I decided I didn't want to do that to others. I wanted to make sure that I made myself available. It's likely the person whose time we needed didn't realize what an impact it made on us. I'm certain I may have made the same mistake thinking that "it was no big deal". So I made a silent resolution. I would be a blessing even when it was inconvenient for me. Even if I didn't see the validity in the request. Pretty big self-promise to make. And God heard me make it. So He tested it this morning.
Why is it always a Sunday morning? :) I had set my hair up the night before to have beautiful curls for church service. I got ready for worship, leaving my hair for last, anticipating only having to take it down and quickly brush through it. So right before heading out the door, I took my hair out to find a head full of Bozo-worthy hair. Uh-oh. With no time to shower it out and re-style, I worked my hardest trying to tease it out, blow it out, iron it out. I gave up and threw it in a pony tail and headed out the door. 10 minutes late. We would still be on time, but not early as I had anticipated. My fault.
Headed down the road I saw a disabled vehicle with a young girl standing outside of the car. It appeared she was alone. She didn't seem to have a phone and she didn't seem to be waiting for anyone. I whizzed past. God spoke. I needed to go check on her. Satan provided my excuses (very quickly too, I might add!) "You will be going way out of your way if you turn around", "What if it's a trap?" (yes these things go through my mind!) "What if she's drunk?" "You don't have a phone, what can you do?" "Your children are with you, you have to keep them safe" "You will most definitely be late for worship!" That was a big one. I love worship and really didn't want to miss any of it. But God reminded me, "Be a blessing even when it's inconvienent for you". I don't always listen. But I did this time.
I got off on the next exit a couple of miles down and turned around. The boys noticed and wondered what we were doing. I told them we were going to help someone. I wondered on the way back if I was wasting my time. Maybe she didn't really need help. Maybe somebody had already stopped. I didn't know what was going to be awaiting me. Didn't know if I was putting myself in danger. I passed by and saw her still struggling. I knew I had done the right thing.
She was alone and had run out of gas. She had added more gas to the tank and was convinced there was enough gas in her tank to get her to work, but the car was parked on a slant and the car wasn't registering the gas. She was trying to push it to get it on a flat surface. Obviously, I couldn't help push. I offered her a ride, but she refused. She tried to send me on my way saying she would be ok, but I didn't budge. She had no one to call, she was late for work, and she was alone. I couldn't just turn around and leave her on the side of the road. After trying to push the car one more time, and then trying to turn the car on, she asked if I could take her to the next exit. I gladly did. She was able to reach someone on the phone who was willing to get her car to her at work.
I dropped her off and we headed to church service. We were 15 minutes late. Yuck. But I was hoping to park quickly and get inside. We've never been that late before. The parking lot was FULL - and when I say full, I mean I couldn't even sneak into a visitor, handicapped, or senior parking spot. I couldn't park on the edges of the street. There wasn't even any room to park at the side businesses. I finally realized I was going to have to park across the busy 4 lane road. Inconvenient.
But I didn't mind. Because even though it was a small act, I'm sure it made a big impact to a girl named Angie who was having a very bad Sunday morning. And doing that made me thankful for the times we have felt slighted, so that I could learn a little bit more about what it means to sacrifice - something I'm not good at, at ALL. It also taught me that being a blessing isn't about what makes me feel good. In fact, I'm guessing that just about every time I am called to do something for God, it's going to drag me out of my comfort zone. I'll probably have to sacrifice something important to me. And I probably won't be happy about it. Not at first anyway. But at the end of the day, any tiny inconvenience is nothing compared to the joy of putting my faith into practice. It's a baby step. I have a long way to go. I'm thankful for all the faith heroes in my life who sacrifice so freely and effortlessly. I hope one day I can be just as faithful.
